Sooooooo a facebook friend of mine recently brought an "interesting" article to my attention. It was titled "Let Your Man Cheat". (You can read the article for yourself here.) The article is in response to another article on the Huffington Post site by sociologist Dr. Eric Anderson, who is the author of a book titled The Monogamy Gap: Men, Love, and the Reality of Cheating.
Whew, where do I begin? First of all, I do not agree with the notion that all men cheat. It is simply not true. That would be like saying all women don't cheat. Now doesn't that sound stupid? Men are certainly designed to respond sexually to many different stimuli, especially if it's visual. I do believe that it is part of their genetic heritage to be aggressive sexually, as sexual prowess is key in winning a suitable mate. In the days of early humans, sexual prowess also implied dominance and an ability to protect that mate, which was an important part of the selection process.
Today, women no longer require the direct protection of a man to survive. A woman can learn to defend herself, or buy a gun, or simply call the police. So what has happened to the male instict for sexual dominance? I believe it has morphed into the male desire to cheat. It's completely understandable, men are designed with pro-creation in mind and so their instinct tells them to fertilize as many women as possible in order to further our species.
But to say that in order to keep a man happy he has to be allowed to cheat is a stretch. We all have compulsive desires. Some women like to shop, and perhaps we could infer that the behavior of shopping is linked with the gathering responsibilites of the early human woman. So by that same standard, women should just be allowed to shop and shop as much as their hearts desire, regardless of the consequences to themselves and those around them, right?
It is just as foolish as it sounds.
To add a little more perspective to my point, the arguement that men are genetically predisposed to be unable to control their sexual urges is the same arguement that is used to justify legal rape in some countries. I'm sure most men you ask will tell you that rape is morally wrong.
So what is the point here? To say that men should be allowed to cheat because they can't help it really doesn't give men a whole lot of credit. I think men are much, much more than sexual beings. If nature didn't intend for them to be capable of a commited relationship (which requires faithfulness) then men simply would not have the capacity for love at all. And I think every man who is currently in a successful monogamous relationship is clear evidence to the contrary.
I could go on and on about this but in conclusion, I'd just like to say I am a woman in a monogamous relationship where great sex, laughter, and common interests are part of my daily life. I absolutely adore my man, and would not trade him for anything, and everyday we fall a little more in love. I pity anyone who does not know the joy of not only being with someone you can trust, but BEING someone who is trustworthy. It has truly enriched my life and made me a stronger, more confident woman.
There is just no way that what the good doctor is proposing is anything more than a sweeping generalization, rooted in a lack of understanding about the purpose of sexual relationships as they relate to the growth of a well-adjusted human being.
Nice try Dr. Anderson... Nice try.
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